The smell of rain tickles my senses and rides the delicate breeze as it winds through my hair. I can almost taste the threat of moisture all around me, feel the heaviness of the storm clouds as they move sluggishly closer. The change in weather feels fitting for today. It’s as though the sky is willing to open up and release its sorrow, something I still haven’t been able to do.

Murmurs all around me pull my attention away from my wandering thoughts. I focus back on the shoots of greenery spilling out between the white flowers cascading over the top of my mother’s casket. They really outdid themselves with the arrangement, and I’m trying to appreciate the thought and effort put into it instead of thinking about how much my mother would have hated it.

As pack healer, my mom despised premature death and useless violence in equal measure. Her feelings weren’t only reserved for those of our kind or the humans we so closely resemble when not in our wolf form. They applied to all living things. Give my mother a plant she could nourish and encourage to grow, and she’d love you for life. Give her a bouquet of flowers doomed to die the second they were picked, bundled, and handed over like some prize to revere, and that would earn you a lifetime of side-eye.

She was strong in her convictions, gentle in her bedside manner, and the best mom I could have ever hoped for.

And now she’s gone.

I trace the lines of her casket with eyes that still haven’t cried, and I can’t help but feel like none of this is real. I know I’m still in shock, probably with a little denial sprinkled in for good measure, but I just never saw the day where I would be here without her unwavering strength and guidance standing right beside me. Especially not with the Flux being only days away.

Hess, my mother’s closest friend, finishes his speech and wipes at his eyes. I look around to see if any of the gathered pack are looking at his show of emotion like it’s a sign of weakness, but instead of gauging how many challenges may be coming his way in the near future, my empty stare lands on a set of familiar, shifty black eyes. They watch me intensely, and a shiver of disgust licks its way up my spine. I force my grossed-out gaze away from the pack’s alpha and settle on one of the betas, who rises from his seat.

His cargo khakis are wrinkled, just like his white button-down shirt. There’s an unkempt brown scruff on his cheeks and neck, all of which would be okay if he were grieving, but he’s not. No, his disheveled state is from the bender the pack had last night. Their antics and laughing were loud enough to reach even my house on the outskirts while I tried to prepare for today. It’s as though they were celebrating the loss instead of being crippled by it like I am. The disrespectful beta steps up to say a few words before it’s time to lower the coffin, and I want to growl at the absurdity.

I can’t focus on what’s being said anyway, because I can still feel Alpha Burke’s eyes on me, and it’s making my skin crawl. I’ve had far too many run-ins with him since he showed up three years ago with his band of rogues and attacked us before successfully taking over the pack. He took an interest in me right away, but my mom was always there to intervene and keep things from escalating like they have with so many other females here.

Gifted healers are hard to come by, and it seemed no matter how much Burke wanted to mess with me, he wanted my mother to stay and do her job more. But now she’s gone, and I’m alone. Maybe if I had my mother’s gift, I’d have room to negotiate for my safety, but sadly, that blessing skipped this generation.

Now, I find myself trapped in what could become a very volatile situation. It doesn’t matter that I want to be left alone and have no interest in being claimed by the alpha or anyone else in this pack. If I survive the Flux and get my wolf, I know that I won’t be given a choice. I’ll be claimed by someone whether I like it or not.

I do my best to ignore the weight of Burke’s unwelcome gaze as it roves over me. I try not to fidget or show any sign of weakness or discomfort. If I do, it’ll invite trouble, and that’s the last thing I need so close to the ceremony. I’ll need to come up with a plan, figure out what I’m going to do about my place here. But right now, I just need to bury my mother and come to terms with the fact that she’s no longer here.

Seamus, the mountain-sized beta pretending to give a shit about my mother and my loss, gives me a nod that tells me it’s time. Pulling in a fortifying breath, I stand up slowly, walking to the head of my mother’s coffin. I stand there, numb, lost, and not nearly ready to say goodbye.

Grief tightens my throat as I reach out and place my palms on the smooth shiny wood of her coffin, a hint of red in it that would have made her smile. I lean down and kiss the top of the box that will encase her until the dirt and the plants claim her for their own. My chest tightens as I step back, and then I watch as they lower her into the ground where I can’t follow.

Cold anguish washes through me. My breath feels labored, my limbs exhausted, but the loss I’m drowning in still doesn’t prick my eyes. I exhale through the pain, robotically moving over to the pile of dirt and palming the shovel that’s been speared into the side of it. I stomp it all the way into the soil and lift out a small mound, waiting until her coffin rests solidly at the bottom of the hole the omegas dug earlier.

When the straps are pulled up, I sprinkle my dirt into the earthen tomb, wishing I could crawl in and be buried right alongside her. The dark soil spoils the pure white of the flowers, but it feels like a fitting metaphor for what my life is now.

The shovel is gently taken from my hands, and one by one, the pack lines up to help cover my mother and say their final goodbyes. I step to the side of the procession, but I can’t ignore the feeling like something inside me is dying with each shovelful of dirt dropped on top of her.

Tilting my head back, I look up at the darkening sky. The vastness of it settles over me, and I try to feel less caged in, less trapped by my pain and my circumstances, but a large body steps next to mine, his heat and intention impossible to ignore. I don’t need the senses of a wolf to know who it is.

I look up to find hair as dark as pitch, skin the color of warm oak, and twisted black eyes. Burke is stacked like a house with enough muscle and brains to hold tight to the reins of the Twin Rivers pack. He’s gorgeous, he knows it, and he likes to act as though his looks and status entitle him to certain things. He doesn’t understand in the slightest that when you’re cruel and corrupt on the inside, it taints what people see on the outside. I like to call it the Gaston complex.

“You’re going to be okay,” he tells me, as though I’m some distraught mess in desperate need of his half-assed consoling.

“I know,” I reply simply, offering a weak smile to someone who pats me on the back as they walk by.

My throat grows tighter as the grave quickly fills up, and all I want to do is wander into the woods I’ve spent my whole childhood in and get lost for a while. To be away from calculating eyes and the crowding grief.

“You’ll have your wolf soon, and all of this will feel more bearable,” Burke declares, as though he even cares or thinks the loss of my mother is something that can be replaced by a pet.

Shame instantly fills me for that thought. The wolf spirit that chooses us is not a pet, I inwardly chastise myself. I subtly move to put a few more inches of distance between me and my alpha. But he steps closer, as though my retreat is an invitation and not an expression of discomfort. I feel his hand land against the small of my back, and the ends of my long hair brush across his arm. He leans down, crowding my space, and as much as I want to pull away from him, I don’t.

Fighting Burke’s advances spurs him on almost as much as being weak and vulnerable does. He’s a predator through and through. I was hoping to avoid him until I could figure out what to do, but I should have known better. Far too many females can attest that Alpha Burke doesn’t back off until he gets what he wants, one way or another.

Just get through today, Seneca. After that, he and everyone else will be busy preparing for the ceremony, and then you can come up with a plan. Honor your mother, let him paw and get it out of his system, and then the Flux will be here before you know it.

I hold my breath, my body going rigid as he practically buries his face in my hair. A few of the pack members skirt by us, their eyes locked on the ground, not interested in getting involved, no matter how wrong this is or how uncomfortable I obviously am.

“Mmmmm,” is growled into my ear sensually, and I tamp down the revulsion that crawls up my throat. “Yours might be my favorite scent ever,” he declares, his chest brushing against my arm.

I roll my eyes and lean away from him as much as I can, completely disgusted. What kind of male hits on a pack member who just lost her mom?

Burke picks up a strand of my thick umber-brown hair and plays with it between his fingers before leaning back with a chuckle. Sometimes, I can’t tell if he’s oblivious to the nauseating effect he has on me, or if he likes it and pushes my boundaries solely because my discomfort does something for him. I look up, unable to stop the warning that fills my arctic blue eyes. It’s one thing to corner me around our home and pull this shit, but this is my mother’s funeral. I thought he’d at least pretend to care and show a little decorum. Now I see how naive and stupid that was.

His black eyes glitter with amusement as I shove my hair behind my shoulder and step away from the hand at the small of my back.

“I need to finish burying my mom, if you don’t mind,” I announce caustically, and his lascivious smile grows even wider.

“Sure, you do that,” he tells me, his tone authoritative as though I require his permission. “But you and I need to talk about your living situation, so come find me when you’re done.”

Confusion moves through me, and his words cause my feet to stop in their tracks. “What’s the problem with my living situation?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest when his skeevy eyes spend too much time studying the neckline of the black dress I’m wearing.

He lifts a shoulder. “It’s no big deal at all, it’s just that your home belongs to the pack healer, and…well, the pack doesn’t have one anymore. You have until after the Flux, but when the new healer arrives…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but he doesn’t need to. Is he seriously going to kick me out of my home? My father built that house.

I clench my jaw, swallowing down the vitriol I want to spew, refusing to take the bait. This seems to amuse him even more, because he flashes a wolfish grin at me like a starved person watching a loaded dinner plate being set in front of them.

“Of course by that time, your wolf will have come, and you know what’s going to happen then, Seneca.”

My spine stiffens both at his insinuation and the use of Seneca. I don’t want him to have any part of me. Nothing. Not even his mouth momentarily wrapping itself around my name for the second it takes him to speak it.

“The Flux ceremony is about honoring the wolf spirit that chooses its host,” I bite back, while the rest of the black-clad and disheveled pack members trickle away.

“Sure it is,” he replies with a cocky twist of his lips. “It’s also about the males choosing between the she-wolves who come to play and claiming one for himself.” His eyes skim over me. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this, and I’m going to enjoy seeing your new wolf immediately roll over to show me her belly. Once you have her, you’ll be begging me to claim you.”

Bile rises up the back of my throat, but I say nothing. What can I say? The horrible thing is…there’s a very real chance it’ll happen exactly like that. And there won’t be a damn thing I can do about it.

No one can control the Flux. When I give myself to the ceremony and take in the wolf spirit that chooses me, it’s out of my hands, and most females immediately submit to a male. It’s a sacred ceremony, one that should be honored and celebrated. But all Burke cares about is dominating. Claiming. Taking what isn’t offered. And the salt in the wound is…my wolf might want him to.

As if he can see the fire dim in my eyes, Burke winks, and then he leans down, fisting some loose dirt in his hand before dropping it in my mother’s grave with an unceremonious toss. Then he turns and walks away with his hands in his pockets, whistling a damn tune as he goes.

I hate him.

Looking back at the freshly turned soil now covering the coffin, I swallow hard, ignoring the two gangly shifters waiting off to the side awkwardly, shovels already in their hands to finish securing my mom’s body in the ground as soon as I leave.

She’s gone. My father’s gone. I have no other family left.

Above me, the sky finally crumples, like it’s squeezing the clouds in its fist. Raindrops fall just as I turn away, unable to bear the sight of the grave turning into a muddy, puddled mess. My mom would’ve hated that.

I walk away, the sky’s offering mocking my dry cheeks. Even knowing that I’ll forever be separated from her by six feet of cruel earth, I still don’t cry. Instead, the clouds mourn for me as if they’re trying to show me the way.

If only I weren’t too lost to follow.

The healer house, my house, is quiet.

It was never quiet before.

With a pack as large as Twin Rivers boasting several hundred shifters, our house always had someone in it being treated by my mother. That’s what happens when you’re the pack healer. Rain or shine, dawn or dusk, someone always needed her.

Full moons were the worst. That’s when Burke runs the mandatory pack fights. To keep a healthy hierarchy, he always says. But really, he just likes watching pack members beat the shit out of each other. Since most of them don’t actually move up, it’s all for entertainment.

My mom despised the fights, of course. A lot of the pack do. But leaving isn’t easy, especially for the families who’ve been on this land for generations upon generations. So, we all just wait and hope that the day will come when Burke is challenged and he loses.

Until then, my mother was always there, ready to set bones before they healed too quickly, to use her magic to ease their pain and calm their wolves. If Burke wants someone to patch up his pack members by the next moon, he’s going to have to get a healer soon. And just the thought of someone taking her place, of living in my home…

I shake my head and walk down the light-yellow hallway that suddenly feels too narrow. Mom painted it a happy color. She said it wouldwrap you up in a hug when you came home. But all I feel is cold and lonely as I head for my room. I don’t let myself look in the direction of hers; I don’t want to see the emptiness that’s a reflection of what I feel in my soul.

The smell of lavender and vetiver greets me as I open my door. I peel off my wet dress and underwear, flopping them into the sink as soon as I walk into the bathroom. It takes me fifteen minutes of just standing under the hot spray of the shower before I feel whole enough to actually wash. Another fifteen to get myself out and dressed in leggings and a long-sleeved shirt, because even though it’s warm out, I feel cold to the bone.

Another fifteen minutes go by, and all I can do is sit on my bed, staring at the sunset bedsheets we picked out together on our last girls’ day. My skin is crawling, the walls closing in, and I realize I can’t sleep no matter how exhausted I might feel. This used to be my sanctuary, my escape from it all. The four walls of this room have watched over me since I was a kid, but now they just feel as hollow as I do.

I flee my own bedroom and head back downstairs, only to find myself standing in the doorway to my mom’s supply room. It smells like sage and oleander and something unmistakably her. She loved this room, and even with the clouds still crying outside, I have to admit, it’s calming. I especially love the dried herbs she always has hanging on the wire that runs along the length of it—a way to make the plant live on in the mixtures she made with them.

She was always in here puttering around, mixing up ointments, arranging bandages, planning for births, and making natural remedies for our pack for things that didn’t need her magic. If only I’d been born with the gift too, then I would be valuable. I’d have leverage to apply to join a new pack and leave Burke and his unwanted attention behind.

Instead, I’m nothing.

I can’t leave without the alpha’s permission. Not unless I want to abandon the ways of my people and live as a human. Even then, I risk being discovered and returned. Pack alliances are fragile, which means even if I could find a pack that would take me in no questions asked, they might be at risk of attack from Twin Rivers. Who’s going to do that for a nobody like me?

I sigh and reach up to gently stroke the dried petals of a hanging dog violet and glance around at all the things my mom won’t be using. An abrupt knock on the door makes me flinch, and I whirl around and rush out, passing the living room and kitchen to see who it is. Swinging the front door open, I find Hess standing there soaked through, with two bottles of beer in one hand and a grim expression on his face.

I frown in confusion for a moment, but quietly stand aside while he clomps in. The old curmudgeon kicks off his wet shoes by the door so as not to track in water and mud, and we both know it’s because my mom would have given him a glare otherwise.

“Did you walk all the way here from your house?” I ask, taking in the mud-stained hem of his pants, and the now see-through button-down shirt as I close the door.

“Yep.” He walks straight to the kitchen where he flips on the lights and puts down the bottles on the bar before easing himself onto one of the stools.

I hesitate awkwardly in the doorway, surprised that he’s here. Ever since my dad died three years ago, he’s been a good friend to my mom, but he and I never really formed any sort of relationship. I’ve always been polite but distant, and that was fine with him. I’m glad my mom was able to get through her grief with Hess’s help, but he’s not my dad, and we were never close, so this impromptu visit feels awkward.

Hess tugs out a keyring from his pocket and uses a bottle opener to flip off both caps. Heartbroken gray eyes rise to meet mine, and he slides the second beer to the open seat next to him. “Sit,” he says, rubbing the dark blond scruff on his jaw as water drips from his wheat-toned short hair.

I slip onto the stool, staring at the dark brown offering. “You know I’m not twenty-one quite yet.”

Hess doesn’t even look over at me, just takes a long gulp from his bottle. “Please, you really want me to believe you’ve never had a beer before? Besides it’s just a month out,” he grunts. “I figured if there was any time you’d need a drink, it was tonight.”

He lifts his bottle, and I take mine in my hand so he can clink them together. “To Delaney.”

My throat goes tight at the sound of her name, at the wetness that gathers in his eyes.

“To Mom,” I repeat.

Together, we drink in silence, with just the rain and our sips to fill the air of the kitchen that’s splashed with greens and yellows and somehow feels so much less cheery than it ever has before.

Hess and my mom bonded over the loss of their mates, and I thought for a while that maybe he had a thing for my mom. I even gave her my blessing one night as we made cookies and salves and lost ourselves to laughter and girl-talk. Turns out, they didn’t see each other in that way, they both simply understood loneliness and loss, so they made an effort to be there for each other.

“She shouldn’t have died.”

Hess looks over at me from the corner of his eye, and I wait to see what he’ll say.

“Terrible accident,” he grunts out, but I don’t miss how he gulps down the rest of his beer in one swig.

My heart drops at the way he’s already given in. There’s no one to challenge or question what happened to her, just me, and what can I do against so many? I feel even more alone than before. I want to be mad, but how can I really blame him? None of us are what we used to be. Burke’s made sure of that, made sure to turn our pack into a distrusting, cowardly lot who turn a blind eye to everything wrong.

When his beer is gone, Hess pivots to look at me again. “You nervous?”

I don’t have to ask what he’s talking about. “Yeah,” I reply with a nod, my fingers picking at the label on the bottle. “I mean, I obviously knew this day was coming, and I’m excited to finally get my wolf. But doing it without Mom or Dad…”

“You’ll be fine.”

I cut him a look. “The Flux can be agonizing. Some people die.”

That used to be my biggest fear about the ceremony, that I wouldn’t be strong enough to take on my wolf, but now, it’s Burke that floods me with trepidation and dread.

Hess shrugs and scratches the stubble over his chin, wiry gray hairs starting to mix in with the dark blond. “Yeah, maybe so. But for some people, it’s like being able to breathe right for the first time. Your mom for instance. When she got her wolf, she just smiled and sighed, like she finally felt at home in her own skin.”

My lips tug. “That sounds like her.”

The rain seems to slow its drizzle as I take another drink, the bitter bubbles pairing well with the tepid sadness inside of me. This is nice, actually. Sitting here with Hess, the one person left in this pack who’d actually talk to me about her. Maybe this is his olive leaf, maybe he’s showing me that even though she’s gone, I’m not alone.

“Did your mom go over what you can expect?” he asks, and I can tell the question makes him feel uncomfortable. I nearly laugh at his venture into the Totemic Wolves birds and the bees talk, but he’s off the hook. I’m aware of how it all goes down.

“Yeah, I know about the rituals and the preparation. That the Spirit Weaver will call down the wolf spirits and then give the bite to draw the wolf inside of the person it chooses.” I look down at my forearm as if I can already see the mark that will be there. “The Weaver will sing the old songs of our shifter ancestors while the pack offers fresh meat to the wolf spirits.”

I purposefully leave out the rest about the pain, potential death, and the first shift if the Flux is successful. I also leave out everything my mom explained about claimings and wolf nature, and how the spirits we protect inside of us can drive us instinctually, more or less overriding logic or the human thought processes.

Hess nods, and the kitchen grows quiet again as he stares unseeing at the floor. I wonder what he’s thinking about, but the look in his eyes tells me it’s deep and personal, so I leave him to it. We’re not close enough for me to go there.

I tip back my beer, finishing it off with a couple of deep pulls, wishing it would help make all of this go away, but Hess was right. It’s not my first beer, and I have too high a tolerance for this to do anything anyway. I suppose that’s a good thing though. As much as I’d love a drunken escape, Burke is on the hunt, and I can’t take the risk of being black-out vulnerable around him.

“Seneca,” Hess starts, and I can tell by the way my name falls out of his mouth that whatever he’s about to say is going to suck. He releases a deep breath and turns to look at me, his gray eyes filled with pain so raw it makes my breath catch. “I’m leaving the Twin Rivers pack,” he announces, and it feels like a kick to the gut.

Surprise and disbelief war for my attention and my shoulders sag slightly with defeat. Just when I think I can’t be any more alone and exposed, my last line of defense against the predators here announces he’s leaving. Heat crawls up my throat, and I try to stomp down the hurt and betrayal I feel. He wasn’t here to extend an olive branch after all. He was here to yank the roots out entirely.

“Oh,” I reply, my voice rough, not sure what else to say. I’m upset, but at the same time, I get it. If I had the luxury of leaving, I’d be right there with him, but I don’t. Burke will never agree to let me go.

“I’m sorry,” he rushes to tell me in a rare glimpse of guilt. “I just can’t stay here anymore. There’s nothing for me here. My mate has been gone for a long time, and now that your mother…”

His nothing for me here statement stings, but I shove it away, burying it under all the hurt already weighing me down.

“Where will you go?” I ask, my voice a little smaller than it was when he first walked through the door. Even though we aren’t close, I still counted him as a permanent figure in my life. To hear that he’s leaving is like a hit to the jaw.

“My brother is alpha of Plummet Lake pack. But I… You should come with me,” he offers, and I’m taken aback by the gesture.

Unfortunately, we both know that’s all it is, a gesture.

I try to give him an understanding smile, but when he drops his eyes from mine with a gleam of guilt in them, I suspect it turned out to look more like a grimace. “I wish I could, but Alpha isn’t going to let me go just like that.”

“There’s no guarantee that your wolf will accept him as a mate,” Hess challenges, some of the sadness sloughing off of him to reveal the dominant beta that he normally is.

I raise a brow. “Do you really think Burke will care?” I counter, filling the question with more annoyance than I mean to. “I mean, if Mom was still here, he wouldn’t dare, but…”

But there’s nothing stopping him now.

I love what I am and where I come from, I just wish pricks like Burke didn’t have to taint it all with their lust for power and control, for their dislike of the word no. I also wish there were more wolves out there who would put a stop to alphas like him. Unfortunately, the pack leaders only get together once a year, and there’s not exactly a forum for members to attend where we can complain about the leadership or air our grievances. It’s our duty as pack members to submit—that one word completely ingrained into our culture.

It doesn’t help that those who get their wolf spirits in the Flux have another side to them that follows a whole different set of rules. Animalistic rules that are more about brute and brawn and the strongest genes for survival. Wolves are about pack and hierarchy. It’s difficult to demand equality and rights when your animal happily submits to maintain pack balance and secure a strong mate.

Knowing my luck, the spirit I get will be an omega, and then I’ll constantly be at war with my head and my soul, bowing down to anyone and everyone who demands it of me.

Ugh.

It’s sacrilegious and very frowned upon in our culture to hope for one thing over another. The wolf chooses wisely is what I’ve been taught since I was in the womb, but I can’t help but hope for a beta, or at worst, a delta.

A howl rends the air, echoing from the distance, calling for a gathering of some sort. I groan and rub a hand down my face. I can probably ignore it since I have a good excuse for not wanting to be social. But I should leave just in case a certain asshole comes by looking for me.

“You should go, Hess,” I encourage, pushing up off my stool. “Like you said, there’s nothing for you here. You deserve to be happy. Mom would want that for you, and so do I,” I tell him, tossing my empty bottle into the bin and thinking through the safest places I could go right now where none of the other pack members will be.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hess interjects, but I wave his concern away.

He did, and that’s okay. It’s time I start figuring things out and accepting that I’m all I’ve got now. No point holding a grudge against Hess who’s also trying to do what’s best for him.

“I’ll stay until after the Flux. Make sure you’re okay,” he tells me, and I offer him a smile that I know doesn’t quite reach my eyes.

If he’s leaving that soon, it means he already has permission from Burke, confirming my suspicions that his asking me to come is nothing more than a formality. I bet Burke signed that transfer order quicker than he’s ever signed anything. One more wall between us is gone, and he didn’t even have to kill anyone this time to make it happen.

“I gotta go, Hess,” I announce thickly, and before he can object or so much as stand up, I’m out the door.

My world is falling apart, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Outside, I see pack members heading into the woods, jogging away from their houses, but I don’t follow them. I need to be alone. I need to be safe. The problem is that I’m not safe here. My wellbeing isn’t a factor in anything that’s happening. My mom is barely cold in the ground and already, I’m wading through threats and thieves lying in wait to steal my choices, my freedom.

I have to leave.

The realization sinks into my spirit, dampening me more than the last of the light rain still misting from the sky. But as soon as I face the facts, I know it’s the right thing to do. If I get my wolf, I lose the last barrier I have keeping back Burke.

I need to figure out how the hell I’m going to get out of here. Twin Rivers has been all I’ve known my entire life. I was born here, and I thought I’d die here. But as I start to run in the opposite direction of the pack gathering, the cool air doing nothing to soothe my fevered skin, I realize this place is no longer my home. It’s all just a trap. A trap that Burke is waiting for me to walk into.

My hair flies behind me as I pick up my pace as though I’m running from something that I’m not sure I can escape. Alpha Burke is coming for me, but I’d sooner die than be claimed by him, the male who brought a pack war here to Twin Rivers. The male who let loose his band of rogues, killing our old alpha and countless others.

Murdering my dad.

If I stay here, I have a feeling it’ll be me who’s destroyed next. Maybe not in the dead in a grave kind of way, but certainly my soul will shrivel and shatter, and I’ll be broken beneath the rule of a cruel male.

Somehow, that seems worse.