Lexi

Lights flashed and bass thundered in the distance, all of which came from the sinister barn on the other side of an overgrown field. The music was so loud I wondered if the barn’s dry-rotted panels—which had to be at least a century old—would shake apart at any moment. Still, I trudged through the tall grass, through the darkness, all with hopes that tonight wouldn’t suck.

And… maybe a small part of me hoped I’d see him, too.

I made it about halfway before regretting my costume choice. It hit me when a group of giggling airheads rushed past, and I took notice of how none wore tuxes, capes, nor white masks that covered half their faces. Apparently, I was the only one who thought those things were a good idea. Instead, they opted for outfits that showed skin.

Lots and lots of skin, accounting for the train of boys who followed closely behind them.

I’d never been one of ‘those’ girls—giggly, batting my eyelashes, wearing the shortest, tightest clothing I could squeeze into. Mom always described me as being a little rough around the edges and I didn’t mind being seen that way. Well, not until I did mind. This was around the same time it began to sting a bit that boys looked through me, instead of at me. This also happened to be the time I became increasingly aware of Sterling.

Except, I convinced myself he wasn’t like the others because, for a time, I believed he actually saw me.

I finally made it close to the action and flashed a tight smile. Then, wished I hadn’t when the cute senior who walked past didn’t even notice, delivering yet another blow to my ego. I stepped through the open doors anyway, subscribing to the ‘fake it ‘til I make it’ mantra,hoping some actual confidence would eventually show up on the scene. I’d gotten so good at pretending not to be affected, pretending not to care, but being alone here brought every single one of my insecurities to the surface.

Tenfold.

Breathe, Lexi. Just breathe.

“Watch it!”

“Sorry,” I mumbled to the tall blonde who ran into me at full speed, not the other way around. She turned to give me the finger, then continued trudging toward a huge keg in the corner with her entourage as they pointed and laughed in my direction.

Don’t freak out. Yes, people are dicks, but you already knew that.

The barn was packed from wall to wall, standing room only. Still, I hadn’t spotted a single face I recognized. There must’ve been kids from every neighboring city in attendance. Even back then, Pandora’s updates had a tendency to go viral, so I shouldn’t have been surprised people came from far and wide.

Another group cyclones past and I’m spun in place, splashed with beer, then the moment they move on I’m invisible again. That’s when a hard dose of anxiety hit me like a brick wall and, on instinct, I made a beeline for the exit. I didn’t need another reminder that I was in over my head, out of my element. All signs pointed toward me being a huge loser who didn’t belong there. So, I pulled my phone out and dialed Amelia. She couldn’t have made it home yet. I’d tell her the party was lame and that I didn’t care what plans she had, but before the line trilled…

“Leaving so soon?”

I slammed into yet another group of girls, but these three I knew—Parker Holiday and two others from the dance squad, Heidi and Ariana. All three were dressed like slutty anime characters, but I kept my opinion to myself. They were neither friend nor foe as far as I was concerned, but to most, they were those girls you either loved or hated.

Those who loved them secretly hoped to be accepted into their circle one day. Those who hated them were girls who’d already figured out they’d never be one of them. Not to mention, these three were among the few allowed to orbit around The Golden Boys.

“Cool costume,” Parker yelled over the music, holding in a smirk as she bounced a look between the other two girls. “Who are you supposed to be exactly?”

“Erik. From The Phantom of the Opera,” I explained.

Their blank expressions made it clear they had no idea who or what I was talking about.

“Well, whatever. I like your mask.”

“Thanks.”

Parker did that thing again, where she looked at Heidi and Ariana before speaking to me. “We’re gonna go grab drinks. You coming with us?”

A breath hitched in my throat, uncertain of what to say next.

“Uh… sure!”

The girls smiled and shared a look among themselves before gesturing for me to follow.

“This way,” Ariana chimed in, leading us in a straight line.

We stopped at a long table decked out with a gratuitous amount of orange and black decorations, and no shortage of faux spider webs. Each of the girls reached for a cup without a second thought. I was the only one who hesitated, hearing my sister’s advice ringing in my ears.

Warning me about open drinks was about the only responsible thing she said.

“There a problem?” Heidi asked. “What’s wrong? Never had tequila before?”

I remember feeling so small as she stared me down, probing me with her heavily-lined eyes.

“I have. It’s just… been a while,” I lied, which brought out another of their collective giggles. They clearly didn’t believe me.

My eyes shifted to Ariana and stayed glued to her as she reached for a second shot, and then placed it in my hand.

“Try it. You’ll like it.”

My gaze lowered into the cup where maybe an inch or two of clear liquid rested at the bottom.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Parker added with a laugh. “You wanna have fun, don’t you?”

I heard Amelia’s voice again, but also felt the weight of peer pressure, which was about a million times more persuasive than my sister’s half-assed counsel.

“Thanks,” I finally said. Then, against my better judgement, I downed the drink. The sound of the girls’ laughter accompanied the blistering sting in my throat.

“Get her another one.”

Ariana followed Parker’s orders and, before I knew it, the empty cup in my hand had been replaced. I felt conflicted in ways I hadn’t before, knowing alcohol had been my father’s downfall, his poison of choice. Seeing how it made abandoning Amelia and me so easy was the main reason I promised myself I’d never touch the stuff.

And yet, all it took tonight was a bad case of nerves and a bit of coaxing from the likes of Parker Holiday. I felt weak and stupid, but at the same time, I really wanted these girls to like me, accept me.

“Drink it fast,” Parker demanded. “That way it won’t taste so bad.”

“If you know it tastes bad, why even drink it?” I managed to choke out, but their only response was more laughter.

“You have to catch up,” Heidi said. “We’re already on our fourth one.”

Blinking hard, I took a deep breath, then downed my second drink.

My eyes slammed closed, but I clearly heard the girls cheering, giving me a round of applause like I’d done something great. The weather was already warmer than usual, but I was starting to sweat a little.

“Another!”

“No. No more.”

I shook my head in protest and took a step back, but Heidi pulled me closer by my wrist.

“You’re still behind! If you don’t catch up, you’ll be a drag,” she whined.

The cup in my hand was replaced with another and it felt like being trapped in a time loop. I’d drink, the cup would be empty for a few seconds, then I’d miraculously have more tequila.

I had a short break while Parker and crew bounced off to grind on a group of older boys. Meanwhile, I leaned against a nearby wall, feeling tipsier by the minute, feeling less and less like myself by the minute. Eventually, the girls either grew tired or bored, then came to join me on the wall. More of the throat-stinging liquid was practically poured into my mouth, and I could’ve sworn the room was starting to spin.

“I should sit.”

“Sit? Are you kidding? We’re at a party, Rodriguez!”

It wasn’t until right then—when Parker snapped at me—that I realized she even knew my last name.

I glanced over as she nudged Ariana and whispered something in her ear. Next, she nodded across the room and whatever their gazes settled on had both smiling.

“If we let you sit, you’ll miss your opportunity.”

Another of those slow blinks made me feel like I could fall asleep right then and there, but I fought it.

“Miss what?” I slurred.

Parker grabbed my chin and yanked it sideways, pointing her polished fingernail across the barn. She directed my attention toward the three raven-haired boys posted against the far wall—The Golden Boys. They weren’t alone, of course. As the middle triplet’s best friend, Joss was always with them.

Lucky girl.

“You’ll miss that,” Parker explained. “Sterling’s been giving you the look for the past five minutes and everyone knows you want him. But I think he might be into you, too. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.”

Naturally, embarrassment was my first reaction to having been called out, but more than that, I was confused.

What did she mean she thought he might be into me?

“We’re just partners,” I shot back, hoping to throw her off a bit. But no one even seemed to hear me.

“You should totally make a move,” Heidi chimed in. “We’ve got your back if something goes wrong.”

“But nothing will go wrong,” Parker corrected her, jabbing Heidi with an elbow as she spoke.

Miraculously, I was able to focus on the boys whose looks were nothing short of perfection—Sterling, Dane, and West—despite floating in one hell of a tequila haze. I’d always made it a point to avoid looking directly into their green eyes, but tonight I stared without shame.

Of the three brothers, Sterling was the quiet one. He was known for being somewhat of a mystery, but I’d heard him speak and laugh quite often during our ‘study sessions’. The vibe he gave off wasn’t quite shy, but he was different from most boys. More mature maybe? I liked to think that meant he wasn’t as shallow, wasn’t just thinking about girls and sports all the time.

I caught myself zoning out while I stared, forcing my mouth closed before he could catch me stalking him with my eyes. But I lingered in thought for a moment. A long moment. Mostly, I was waiting for the room to stop spinning, but also because… I was actually considering this. No, I wasn’t planning to make any kind of move on him, but this still felt like a big step—approaching Sterling outside the classroom, outside of our study sessions. Like we were actual friends or something.

Eventually, I convinced myself that it wouldn’t hurt to just say ‘hi’, but that still had to be the tequila talking. Because the real Lexi Rodriguez, the sober me, had much more self-control.

“Hurry! He’s going outside alone! That’s perfect!” Ariana piped up.

Following her words, a hard shove to my back nearly made me lose my footing. Had it not been for the kid whose back I slammed into, I would’ve hit the floor.

Behind me, the girls giggled, and I tried to walk in a straight line, smoothing my curls like I probably should’ve let Amelia do when she tried. My heart raced, my mouth felt dry, but apparently, I was doing this.

I was on my way over to talk to Sterling Golden in the wild.