Chapter 3

3

it’s all you loved, but never yourself

Three hours later and I was back home—Aunt Mandy’s home specifically. A brownstone townhouse that used to belong to my mom before she moved to the suburbs and started a family. When her career in wedding dress design took off, she bought a home in the most expensive, but beautiful area in New York City. Years later when she got married and moved, she sold it to Mandy, my dad’s sister.

I moved in with her once college started. Mom often jumped between here, our home in the suburbs, and the five-star hotels of the cities she had work in for photoshoots, fashion weeks, etc. Mandy and my mom were only a year apart, so they acted more like best friends than sisters-in-law. It made for a very sitcom-like environment when we were all together.

Walking up the stairs with an immense amount of knowledge about Sarah’s wedding and how this plan was going to work, I found Gabe and Jia sitting on Mandy’s couch.

“Well, hello there,” I said, not expecting either of them to be here. They did have the keycode though, so it wasn’t the first time I’ve found them waiting for me.

Both flew off the couch once spotting me, asking questions at the same speed, only taking breaths for the other to ask the next one.

“What happened?” Jia asked.

“Was that the Levi?” asked Gabe.

“Who was the blonde chick?”

“Why did you walk out holding hands?”

“Did he walk you home?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sit down and I’ll answer your questions, after I take off these clothes,” I spoke in a rush, running down the hall to change into sweats.

Coming back just as quickly, I explained what happened at the bar: how I hit my head off his beer—“Yes, saw that already,” Jia said aggressively wanting to know the parts she didn’t hear—and then what had caused Levi to say we were dating.

“I’m sorry, he said what?” Gabe asked, almost falling off the couch.

“Yup,” I nodded my head, crossing my legs on the couch across from them like a child in kindergarten. “They used to date, but it sounded like it didn’t end well, but her mother works in the department that Levi is trying to get a job in, so Bella has an influence on who gets hired—”

“So, nepotism,” Gabe reflected.

“—therefore, I’ll go to the wedding and all the events leading up to it so that Bella sees that he won’t be leaving the city and will report back to her mom, and then Levi can get the job.”

Jia stared at me with narrowed eyes, the way she always did when she was trying to figure out a problem. “Let me repeat what you just said. Levi has a hot ex whose mother can either hire him or not, and you’ve been assigned as his personal cockblock to make sure he gets this job.”

I pursed my lips. I knew she would be too pessimistic.

“That’s not fair, that’s not who Levi is,” I said, because that’s never been who Levi was. He dated girls, but he never led them on. It was always a few dates, and then it fizzled away the way dreams from the night before were forgotten throughout the day. It simply seemed like Levi wasn’t interested in being a boyfriend. He always put his family first, spending every waking moment with them. Tying Claire and Rhea’s shoes before school, helping Sarah edit her English papers, and cooking dinner the nights his mother tutored at the school nearby.

“Levi was my best friend,” I explained.

“And he broke your heart, Dani. What kind of friend does that?” Jia asked. But if she was expecting an answer, she wasn’t getting one. Levi was my best friend for years; I couldn’t just say no to him. Not when I had the chance to be friends with him again and be part of his life. Not when we had gone through the same trauma, and he helped me climb out of the hole I had dug.

“You do realize that this is the complete opposite of a rom-com, right? As in, you’re the other woman in the story—the one the writers add in for extra drama, not for the happily ever after,” Jia spoke matter-of-factly.

I had seen almost every cheesy, romance movie; I knew what she was talking about. And it wasn’t the first time I had envisioned myself as the side character. But it hurt to hear it

from her.

“Do you still love him?” Gabe asked, leaning forward on the

couch across from me.

“I—no, no, no of course not,” I said quickly. It’s been four years. Yes, my heart pumped blood fast enough to burst out of my shirt when I saw him. But that was from surprise and nostalgia.

“That was a lot of no’s,” Gabe said warily.

“I’m going to need ice cream for this,” Jia said, getting off the couch.

“Do you?” Gabe asked again in a hushed tone, as if my answer would be different without Jia in the room.

He was right though, it usually was. Jia always had a strong opinion.

“No,” I said with frustration. Frustration with myself; running a hand through my hair, hoping the feeling would bring some type of serenity.

“Does he love her?” Gabe asked hesitantly, knowing the sensitive waters he was treading.

I bit my lip. “Yes.” I know that Levi said he wasn’t trying to get Bella back, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. I saw the way he held her in the bar. I’ve watched enough romance films to spot desire from a mile away.

“Have you ever thought that maybe he has feelings for you too. That after all these years, maybe he regretted saying no to you in high school?”

I had thought about it constantly, wondering if Levi had ever missed what we had. If he ever missed what we could have been. That maybe his longing gazes, unexpected gifts, and late-night calls were a sign of his returned affection. But no, they never were.

Shaking my head, “You know the story, he couldn’t have regretted it.”

“I don’t know, Dani. I saw the way that man grabbed your face,” Gabe said with a I know what I’m talking about look.

“How long were you watching us for?” I asked suspiciously, laughing.

“Long enough to make sure he wasn’t an ax-murderer. But back to the subject: I saw the way he looked at you, and a man doesn’t look at a woman like that if it doesn’t mean something,” he said with the tap of his finger in the air.

“Gabe, what do you know about men!?” Jia shouted from the kitchen.

Gabe twisted in his seat, shouting, “Just because you watch k-dramas doesn’t mean you know anything about men!”

“YES, IT DOES!” Jia practically screamed.

I was laughing so hard that my stomach began to hurt. It was enough to subdue the nagging feeling in my belly after what Jia had said. Was Levi really just using me? Or was Gabe right, and maybe Levi did regret what happened?

It didn’t matter now. Because tomorrow I’d officially become Levi’s girlfriend. Just not in the way High School Dani had dreamed of.

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